Reality
by LostGypsy
Summary: A oneshot on how Ennis discovered that Jack faked his death and his reaction to it.


This is another Brokeback Mountain Fanfic. This time a one-shot, I wrote it between a couple classes of Biology and Study Hall so I hope it sounds alright. It's my version of what would happen if Jack faked his death.

I might continue it later, let me know if you think I should.

--- --- --- --- --- ---

Ennis kept his pace slow and steady through the forest of Brokeback. His shoulders sagged and his face was worn by days of crying.

_Shit._ It was the one word that continued to finish his thoughts. Jack had died, _shit._ They will never have another camping trip together, _shit._ He had never once told him he loved him, _shit._

Ennis cursed over his breath again when he looked up to see he had unconsciously led himself to his and Jack's old camping site. He mentally placed the tent, fire, and other belongings in their right place in the scene in front of him. He sat at his place before the fire pit and immediately memories came flashing back to him.

He could hear the crackle of the flames and smell the beans roasting for dinner. He felt the sky darken to a deep blue and the tent was suddenly pitched before his eyes. It was the night after his and Jack's first "encounter." The same fear that had been swirling in his stomach that night came back to him. Jack was inside the tent, Ennis was outside, not sure or not if he could go back in there for a second time. He wanted to, god how he wanted to, but going in there meant they were starting something real, meant Ennis was less of a man than he wanted to be, and it meant Ennis was turning himself over to something he had been taught to hate all his life.

Thoughts were colliding at every corner of his mind, telling him what and what not to do and suddenly despite all the fear and doubt, Ennis stood up and walked over to the tent. He took a deep breath, took the corner of the tent's material into his hand, and then raised the flap. In that moment his mind was screaming at him to go back, get out, run away, anything, but Ennis couldn't move. Jack crawled forward and gently pulled Ennis inside with him. Ennis shook as Jack touched him, but he didn't pull away. Staring into each other's eyes, Jack removed Ennis's hat and then took him by the shoulders. Before starting anything he looked sternly at Ennis to know this was what he wanted. Ennis wanted this so badly. He wrapped his arms around Jack, with his thoughts still tearing through his mind, then he couldn't take it, his eyes welled up and he drove his face into Jack's shoulder, his breath coming in gasps. Jack tightened his grip on Ennis and pulled him closer, whispering, "It's alright, it's alright."

As Ennis opened his eyes he found himself kneeling in the tent's former place by the light of day. His arms were wrapped tightly about himself. "Dammit!" He cried out, his eyes fresh with a new set of tears. He collapsed to the earth below him, beating his fists into the ground. He dropped his face to the ground and felt the dirt cling to his damp cheeks. He clamped himself down with arms wrapped tightly over his head. The bile rose in his throat.

Ennis wanted to die. He had nothing with Jack Fuckin' Twist. He continued to whine pathetically into the earth.

--- --- --- --- --- ---

Ennis was still an hour later in the same spot. He had in this time calmed some, his muscles had relaxed but his heart still ached. He actually felt it hollow out as it sent blood throughout his body.

From above, Jack watched Ennis. He wanted so badly to be down there with him, holding his hand and wiping his tears, telling him everything was alright. But what would Ennis possibly think?

It didn't matter, Ennis needed Jack.

Besides, Jack had faked his death for a reason.

Jack fled down the side of one of Brokeback's hills. He was soon watching Ennis from only fifty feet behind him.

Ennis was still whining and gasping with his head to the ground. He beat his fists into the dirt again.

Jack slowly stepped forward; his eyes grew red and heavy from the scene before him. His Ennis was crying more than ever before and it was his fault.

When only feet behind Ennis, he stopped. He didn't know what to do. Ennis would hate him for faking his death. Here he was in so much pain, all due to Jack. Jack was almost scared as to what Ennis's reaction might be, but still he couldn't run away, not ever.

Suddenly Ennis raised his head, he had realized that something was behind him. His eyes widened as shock spread over his face. This was worse than the last flashback he had had, so much more real, so much more hurtful. After a long stare between the two, Jack unable to move for fear of what Ennis would do, Ennis out of pure shock and distress, Ennis came to realize it couldn't be real. He jerked himself up and scrambled away from the thing that looked like Jack. He started running, "Get away Dammit! You ain't real!"

Jack frowned, he should've expected this, he took after Ennis screaming, "Ennis stop! I am real, I ain't dead!"

Ennis kept running, though he hadn't expected his illusion to speak. In his state however, his vision was still clouded by tears. He slowed down, not able to see without constantly wiping his eyes. Jack gained on him and on first try pulled Ennis hard back into his arms.

Ennis struggled fiercely against Jack's hold. Jack would not let him go. He tried whispering, "Ennis, shh, it's alright. Shh," he felt Ennis's strength dying, "It's alright, I'm real." Ennis collapsed into the arms around him, he wanted so badly for this to be real. He drove his face into the shoulder of whoever was holding him.

Jack held tightly to Ennis, he combed through his hair and pressed their bodies closer together. His eyes filled up with more tears, but right now he had to stay strong for Ennis. He took a deep breath, "Ennis, I-"

"Stop!" Suddenly Ennis jerked away from Jack's arms, he screamed at him, "Stop sayin' my name, you ain't real!"

Jack latched on to Ennis and pulled him back even tighter this time. Ennis continued fighting the embrace with just little enough effort to let Jack hold onto him. "Ennis," he whispered, their faces so close together, "You have to believe me. I never died. I faked a death to git away from everythin'. To git back to you."

Ennis sobbed and shook his head furiously, "No!"

Jack held tighter than ever before, "Yes. Yes, Ennis, I'm real."

Ennis ceased his struggling again and this time he couldn't support himself. His knees gave in and Jack took all of his weight into his arms. Slowly he brought them each down, sitting on the bare forest floor. Ennis curled up like a hurt puppy with his head in Jack's lap. Jack cautiously began rubbing Ennis's back and then took up his hand in his own. Ennis didn't care if this wasn't real anymore, he was content right now with the illusion that Jack was back with him, telling him everything is going to be alright. Even if it was all just a dream, and it would have to come to an end, it was worth it for right now.

He looked up to Jack and squeezed his hand. Ennis sat up, wrapped his arms around Jack's torso and slowly they leaned back together. Jack brought his hand to Ennis's cheek and wiped away some of the dirt there. Ennis closed his eyes at Jack's touch. He had not expected it to be so warm, so full of life. Jack draped his arm over Ennis's shoulder and craned his neck, leaving a gentle, cautious kiss on Ennis's forehead.

Ennis was slipping into sleep. It would be the first sleep he had gotten since news of Jack's death. He knew that when he woke, Jack would probably be gone, so he couldn't drift off, not now. But it had been weeks without sleep…

Ennis awoke hours later, the sky was a deep blue and he had a heavy woolen blanket thrown over him. Jack however, was not there.

Ennis sat up and rubbed his eyes, he found that he was atop one of Brokeback's hills. There was a fire pit to his left filled with almost enough wood for a fire. His hat which had fallen off hours ago was now at his side. How the hell he had gotten here he didn't know.

Ennis, however, ignored his confusion for the moment. He cracked his neck, snapping it to his left and right, and then looked around. Jack was nowhere to be seen.

_Then it was a dream._ Ennis sighed and ran his hands from the back of his head to the front, brushing through his hair. He did so again and then cast his head into his hands groaning in frustration. "God Dammit," he said over his breath.

Then to his surprise, someone's heavy running steps could be heard along with a steady pant. Ennis quickly recovered himself and twisted around to see who the sound belonged to. His eyes narrowed and even more frustration sunk into him when he saw Jack again. He was carrying enough wood to fill the fire pit and when he saw Ennis was awake he sped up. He threw the wood in with the rest then cautiously sat down just out of Ennis's reach.

"Y'sleep well?"

Ennis threw his head back down and growled, "Dammit, I thought I was done wit this!"

Jack frowned, apparently Ennis didn't believe he was real yet.

Ennis momentarily took another glance at the thing that resembled Jack so well. He then turned away again.

Jack had to get through his thick head sooner or later, "Ennis, I told you before, I ain't dead. I never died. I know Lureen and everyone tellin' you I am, but they don't know the truth Ennis."

Ennis shook his head.

Jack groaned, "Ennis look at me," he waited until Ennis obeyed him. "What's it gonna take to git you to believe me?"

Ennis's gaze sunk back down. This couldn't possibly be real, he wanted it to be so, but it couldn't. This was just a hopeful illusion he was making up. Ennis ignored the question and grabbed his hat, ready to leave.

"Ennis, you answer me," Jack said sternly.

Ennis continued to disregard the question. He stood, he was going to get back to his truck and drive home.

Jack stood as well, "Fine, you leave and I'll go with you."

Ennis didn't reply. He started walking to his truck, the illusion of Jack at his side the whole time.

When he arrived, he hopped in, Jack getting in on the other side. Ennis still hadn't said a word. He started the engine and they rode in silence back to Ennis's trailer.

By the time they reached their destination, Ennis was worn out from the battle in his head. He couldn't be sure anymore if this Jack was a hallucination or not. As he jumped out of his truck he found his Junior sitting on the front porch.

"Junior, what're you doin' here so late?"

"Nice to see ya too Daddy. I just wanted to check up on ya. I-" she stopped short. "Oh, I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't know you were gonna have company."

"What're you talkin' 'bout?"

Junior nodded to the man she had come to know as Jack Twist.

Ennis flashed glances between the two of them, his head spinning, his mind aching. "You, you can see him?"

Alma Junior looked at her father for a moment as though he was insane, though she quickly recovered herself not wanting to put pressure on him. "Well yes…is everythin' alright Daddy?"

Ennis continued to look between the two of them, each time his gaze lingering a little longer on Jack. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine," he turned to her fully, "listen, you head home alright?"

"You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for stoppin' sweetheart." He leaned down and planted a kiss on his daughter's forehead. "Now you git home, me and Jack here have to do some talkin'."

Junior still unsure she should leave, gathered herself together anyway and said, "Alright, listen I'm gonna comeback tomorra' if that's okay?"

Ennis nodded and hugged his daughter, she walked away to her own car, stealing backwards glances at the two men. _What in hell is goin' on with them?_

Ennis stood awkwardly staring at Jack. Could it be possible? He walked forward, coming face to face with Jack. He studied him for a long while. "You are real ain't you?"

Jack nodded, and both their eyes began to water. He took a step closer, leaning his forehead against Ennis's and wrapping his arms about Ennis's back. Ennis suddenly choking on his tears, clutched Jack and harshly pulled their bodies together. Ennis was overwhelmed by happiness. This was everything he had dreamed of in the past few weeks. As soon as he had heard that Jack died he felt sorrow and nothing but. This was the only reprieve he could have ever had and by some act of what ever god was up there, he received it. But why had Jack waited so long to give him this news?

Ennis pulled away from the embrace. "Why'd you do it?"

Jack quickly grew more self-conscious, this may be the one thing to set Ennis off again. "I knew you were never gonna love me how I needed. You gotta understand Ennis, I couldn't go on like I was. It hurt too much. So-"

"So you just decided to play dead for awhile and cause me more pain than I ever been in," Ennis's temper was on a steady rise.

"Ennis no, it ain't like that," Jack reached out for Ennis.

Ennis swatted him away. "Dammit Jack, where were you three weeks ago when I brokedown on the fuckin' phone? You coulda told me then!"

"Ennis, Dammit! I tried! I came down here lookin' but you weren't here, so I've been in Brokeback waitin'. I came back y'know. I checked almost everyday for you. But you were never fuckin' here."

"Maybe that's 'cause I was away lookin' for any part left of you."

That had shut both of them up. Jack took a cautious step towards Ennis, he reached out again, "Ennis I'm sorry," he whispered.

Ennis didn't make any attempt to move, but he didn't pull away from Jack this time either. "Why couldn't you of just told me or somethin' first?" He voice was tired and defeated.

"Ennis, if I told you first, would you of let me?"

Ennis didn't reply, for they both knew the answer already.

Jack held Ennis's cheek in his hand. Slowly, Ennis stepped forward and leaned forward onto Jack. He rested his chin on the other's shoulder and they wrapped their arms about each other. "Let's go inside Rodeo," Ennis whispered.

Jack smiled. "Alright Cowboy."


End file.
